MTV's Hard Times: Can Big Penis Size Boost Limp Ratings?

MTV's ratings have been drooping lately, and their new strategy for boosting them relies heavily on the power of penis size. Perhaps taking a cue from HBO's Hung, MTV's new show focuses on a lowly high-school outcast whose social life takes a dramatic turn when it is revealed that he has a massive penis. The show, titled The Hard Times of R.J. Berger, is hoped to revive some of their viewership that has been less than supportive in recent times—and what better way than quirky cock-centric programming?



MTV's ratings have fallen 18% since last year, and their strategy seems to be to up the controversy factor. But is having a big penis really that edgy? Perhaps it is. And who knows, maybe this show will inspire nerdy teens across America to invest in penis enlargement techniques in order to bulk up their organs. After all, the message of this show—not unlike HBO's Hung, about a down-on-his-luck man who digs his way out of the recession by monetizing his best asset (his giant penis)—is that having a bigger-than-average penis makes you special, sets you apart from all the average dudes out there. And I guess MTV is hoping that having a TV show with a big penis will set them apart from other networks out there. Do you think this show will turn more men on to penis enlargement? Do you think this show looks any good?

Is Erectile Dysfunction Linked to Heart Attacks?

What does erectile dysfunction have to do with heart attacks? Sure, a man might feel like he's going to have a heart attack the first time he goes through an experience of erectile dysfunction, but data from a long-running study indicates a more significant link. It found that erectile dysfunction can be a significant indicator for men's likelihood of developing serious cardiovascular problems. The study finds that men who suffer from ED have a 40% increased risk of heart attacks, strokes, and other cardiovascular ailments. These findings are leading physicians to consider adding questions about erectile dysfunction to the standard array of risk assessment questions they ask their patients.

The Heart of the Matter

The main reason for these findings is that the same problems with blood flow that can cause heart attacks and other ailments can also be to blame for decreased blood flow to the penis. Thus, erectile dysfunction is being considered for addition to the list of risk factors already outlined by the Framingham Heart Study, which include high blood-pressure, smoking, and cholesterol. By asking men the quick question about whether or not they suffer from ED, physicians can easily gain invaluable information about a man's level of risk. Additionally, if a man comes in to see a doctor about ED, the findings of this study make it an obvious decision to test the man for cardiovascular issues. This could prove to be extremely invaluable for predicting and preventing serious heart troubles for many men.

Erectile Dysfunction: Sometimes More than Just a Sexual Problem

If you yourself are suffering from erectile dysfunction, this information shouldn't be taken lightly. Don't panic of course; just because you have ED doesn't mean you're going to die of a heart attack tomorrow. ED can have a plethora of causes other than cardiovascular problems. However, if ED is a chronic issue for you, in addition to trying to deal with it via penis pills and penile enhancement methods, you should also seriously consider seeing a physician to assess your cardiovascular health. You may be very happy you did!

All the Rage: Anabolic Steroids, Sexual Health, and Penis Size

In professional sports, steroids seem to be all the rage—pun intended. A lot of men choose to use anabolic steroids in order to enhance their sporting abilities or to obtain a more muscular physique; but what effect do they have on male sexual health? In other words, will steroids mess with your penis? We should probably say right off the bat that this article is not intended to sell you on the idea taking steroids. We are of the opinion that there are safer and superior ways to achieving a muscular physique—like exercise and diet—that don't carry the same risks as steroids. However, to use or not to use is ultimately the choice of the individual, and this little post can serve as a warning of some of the risks involved with taking steroids, in particular relating to penis size and penile health.

If you're considering using steroids, there are a lot of things you should think about first. Obviously, there's the fact that most sports ban the use of such drugs, and using them could get you in serious hot water if you're competing. Then there's the health issue. Are they harmful, and in particular, will they effect your penis size or sexual performance? We'll attempt to answer these questions about anabolic steroids so you can make an informed decision.

Anabolic Steroids: Are They Worth the Risks?

Anabolic steroids, usually taken as injections, pills, creams, or gels, have the effect of increasing muscle mass, as well as increasing testosterone. However, they also make you vulnerable to a variety of adverse side effects that are far from rare. In addition to causing cardiovascular and liver problems, anabolic steroids can have detrimental effects on male sexual function. Some common sexual complications are:

• Erectile dysfunction: Ironically, even though sexual interest is increased with the use of steroids, the ability to obtain and sustain erections is drastically hindered. Talk about frustrating!
• Shrinkage of the testicles: Although penile shrinkage due to steroid use is largely inflated by urban myth—although it will look smaller relative to your body—testicular shrinkage is a very real and common side effect of high doses of anabolic steroids. Big man/small nuts syndrome.
• Gynecomastia: AKA the growth of breasts. Another common side effect in men is the growth of "man boobs" which have to be removed surgically. Not very manly at all, unfortunately.

The cruel irony of anabolic steroids is that although they increase many masculine physical traits, like sex drive and testosterone, they have a plethora of decidedly unmanly side effects. While you might end up big and strong with a large appetite for sex, those traits might be complimented by tiny testicles, breasts, and the inability to get or sustain an erection. Add these to the cardiovascular and liver-related risks, as well as the increased levels of uncontrollable anger and paranoia (AKA "roid rage"), as advocates of male health, we can say with some certainty that we feel that anabolic steroids are hardly worth the risk.

Manhood: New Book Looks at Cocks in Culture

In his new book, Dutch urologist Mels van Driel answers such questions as: Should I get a vasectomy? Why is semen sticky? And, what's it like to have sex with Satan's barbed penis? Manhood: The Rise and Fall of the Penis is more than just a useful guide to penile health (which it is); it's also an incredible collection of anecdotes, factoids, and historical tidbits about the ever-changing significance, meanings, and practices associated with the male sex organ. While you're inquiring about such relevant issues like penis size and testicular health, why not also skim some information about a 22 year old Portuguese gypsy who had two functioning penises? According to van Driel, "once he had climaxed with one he immediately continued with the other." But would he have to pay double when investing in penis enlargement? In any case, that's good reading. But Manhood, is so much more.

A Practical Guide to Dicks

It's easy to get too caught up in all the oddities and bizarre historical tidbits that color the pages of this document of dick, but deep down it's actually a really informative manual featuring info about penis size, testosterone, various ailments of the genitals, all written by a practicing urologist. But if we can learn anything from all of the strange and unusual penis anecdotes from around the world and throughout history, it's that what we think about the penis, what it means, how big it should be, how it should be used, decorated, displayed—all the meanings and rules we associate with the human penis—are always fluid and ever-changing. What constitutes an ideal penis size in one context is grossly inadequate in another—just look at Michelangelo's David. This combination of practical information and fun reading makes Manhood: The Rise and Fall of the Penis a very worthwhile read, whether you have a penis of your own or not.

More Men Opting for Penis Operations

According to doctors, the number of men who are opting for penis enlargement surgery is growing. This is interesting, given that demand for nearly all other cosmetic surgeries has dropped significantly since the world economy went down the crapper. But according to Dr. Mark Solomon, one of only six doctors in America who performs this procedure, the demand for penile enhancement surgery is on the rise. But why are men shelling out the bucks for this costly procedure, even when times are tough and money's tight?

Gimme Some More: A Surge in Penile Surgery

Penile enhancement surgery is a costly and fairly risky process, but many men still choose it over penis enlargement pills, penis pumps, penis extenders, and other non-surgical methods of penis enlargement. Dr. Solomon says he performs this procedure about once per week. According to Dr. Solomon, the rate of customer satisfaction for penile surgery is quite high, but it's not without its risks.

There is a nerve that travels down across the top of the penis, down underneath the ligament. As I release that ligament, I look for that nerve. The nerve gives sensation to the tip so I don't want to cut that.

What this means is there's a risk of losing the sensation in your penis when you undergo penile surgery, but proponents of the procedure assure us that the risk is minimal. The procedure itself, unlike breast enlargement surgery, doesn't usually involve adding any material to the penis (unless an increase in girth is desired). The standard penis-lengthening procedure involves releasing the penis from the ligament attaching it to the pelvic bone and pulling out preexisting penile length that's buried in the pelvis.

Hard Times = Big Cocks?

One can only speculate as to why penis enlargement surgery is on the rise despite the recession's effect on other cosmetic surgeries. Perhaps it's the popularity of the HBO series Hung, where a man overcomes his own dire financial woes by monetizing his best asset—his giant penis—by becoming a man whore. Maybe men think that investing big bucks in their cocks is a good investment into getting themselves out of their financial problems. Or maybe it's simpler than that. Maybe economic problems, global warming, natural disasters, war, famine, or alien invasions, just aren't significant enough to distract men from their unending desire to increase the size of their piece.

Dear Morgan: Premature Ejaculation

Dear Morgan,

My boyfriend ejaculates really quickly every time we have sex. Are there any tricks we can use to make sex last a little longer?

Slow It Up



Dear SIU,

I can do a little back-tracking and assume that you’re browsing this site trying to find answers to this very question. You’re on the right trail, SIU – keep reading.

Premature ejaculation can happen for a number of reasons, ranging from the psychological to the physiological. Because I’m not working directly with you guys as a therapist, and because you wrote me a two line question, it’s difficult to guess the underlying issue.

Fortunately, many of the solutions run along common lines so we might be able to find something that works for your partner. Firstly, you say that he ejaculates quickly every time you have sex. In serious cases many doctors will prescribe an anti-depressant like Prozac. Please note that serious cases are rated as such when men are not able to control their orgasms and feel significant distress. If you’re hoping for penis pills that address premature ejaculation only, you might be a few years off. There are talks of development, but I’ve yet to have a journal cross my desk that had a promising article.

I’m guessing your boyfriend doesn’t fall into that category because you’re asking an advice columnist, and not a doctor. In keeping with that, I think he should start penis exercises in order to try and regain some control over his orgasms. Stretching and jelqing can help, so click through to find articles on our site about those specific practices. These articles focus on penis enlargement, but the effect you’re looking for is generally included in the benefits of these exercises.

While you guys are going at it, try stopping, taking a breather, and then starting again. It might take a lot of practice [but who is complaining about having more sex?], but eventually you can reach a rhythm where you begin to recognize when he is getting close, he pulls out, thinks about baseball and Queen Elizabeth, and then goes back at it.


Are you having regular sex? If you’re only doing it once or twice a week, that might not be enough for him to become accustomed to the sensations. Step up the frequency, folks!

Try bringing him to orgasm before you start penetrative sex. Blowjob, handjob, footjob – whatever works for you two. Let him cum, then let him get you off – he can go down on you while he gets his ‘man-ergy’ back, and with any luck he should have a reasonable erection by the time you reach orgasm. Then have penetrative sex. Ideally he won’t have such a hair trigger response because he has had an orgasm relatively recently.

This is a panel of suggestions – start with whichever seems easiest, and then move along from there. Regardless of which technique you guys try out, you will definitely need to have an open conversation about this that is ongoing. Keep checking in and see what works, and remember to be supportive of him – this is a sensitive issue!

Don't Pass On a Small Set of Family Jewels

According to the shocking CBC documentary entitled The Disappearing Male the world is witnessing a worrying decline in the number of boys being born. The in-depth doc cites lots of factors that have played a part in this change but one of the most notable is petro-chemicals. Petro-chemicals are everywhere. They are used in making plastics and are found in almost everything from pesticides to processed foods and fabric to shampoo.

While this news may send a shiver down the spine of our female readers, the men might be looking at the bright side, thinking that this could lead to a future filled with more favorable ratios: less boys, more choices. But before you guys get too excited I better tell you about the big, or should I say small, catch: these petro-chemicals that are causing fewer boys could also be causing a boy that does make it out of the womb to have a smaller than average penis. Add to that a 200% increase of genital defects and abnormalities reported in the last two decades and a 50% drop in sperm counts of an average North American college student over the course of one generation, and you have a problem of notable size.


Okay, so you might be wondering how this affects you and your penis size now, and really, it doesn’t. But before you dismiss the warning I propose you to take one moment and ask yourself: Do I want to pass tiny wiener genes down to my son? After all, your genes represent you, where you came from and how you lived; they speak about your strengths and weaknesses – to the very core they are you. They are probably the best way to make a good impression on future babes. And of course there’s the wellbeing of the kids themselves. Why put your baby boy through the torment of having a small penis? The least you can do for your kin is try your hardest, longest and widest to ensure they have strong, healthy bodies.

The Tips for Well-Endowed Genes

So after watching this documentary I devised three easy steps to help you reduce your interaction with these petro-chems, and in turn, keep your genes well-hung. Unfortunately man-made chemicals are pretty hard to avoid, so unless you’re content with re-locating to the moon, following this advise may be the best way to pass on the biggest set of family jewels possible in this chemical age.

Here they are:

1.Eat Organic

That’s right, the hippies knew it, now you do too. Organic food is pretty much chemical free so it’s not only good for you, it’s good for your body, but for your genes – meaning your kids’ bodies.

2.Use Plastic Sparingly


This may be completely impossible, but any reduction in plastic in your home will help. This means buying natural-fiber clothes, storing food glass tupperware and using natural shampoos and soaps. Anywhere you see plastic, think of an alternative.

3.Avoid Chemicals in the Air

Stay decidedly upwind and upstream of any heavily industry plants, or any heavily industrial cities for that matter (sorry, you’ll have to skip that Pittsburg getaway…darn). This one may seem a little extreme, but some would go to great lengths in the pursuit of a long shlong.

And, if none of these things work, you'll have to teach your offspring about penis enlargement techniques.