Dear Morgan: Penis Size Workarounds

Dear Morgan,

Hi. I'm 41 years old, married, and I guess I fall into the category of most of the guys reading this page. I have sex with my partner a few times a week, and it's good, but once in a while I'd like to really fuck my wife, you know? She has told me before that she doesn't feel 'full' when we do it, is there anything you can suggest to help?

Thanks,

Fits Like A Glove?

First things first, FLAG: when you put your penis in your wife's vagina, you are really fucking your wife. Minds all across the country are blown by that one, I'm sure, but let's move on.

What you're really asking, in a strangely roundabout way, is whether I can point you in the direction of a stand-in dick of a penis size large enough to make your partner feel as though she's stuffed silly. Of course I can!

Basically, you have three options. I will rate them in the order I feel most relevant, and important.

Option Three:

Hire a dick. Find a male escort agency that caters to women, give your wife your credit card, and let her select the thickest fattest longest penis she can lay eyes on. This is one way to get that 'full' sensation, however, in all likelihood, your wife wants to feel your penis filling her up, not Gustav's.

Option Two:

Pumping. This is a penis enlargement technique that provides a temporary expansion to the tissues of the genitals. You place your penis inside of a vacuum tube, pump the air out and you will experience instant growth. Unfortunately the kind of growth you experience isn't exactly manageable, predictable, or entirely functional. Just because your penis may well be three times the size it was before doesn't mean it's going to be in any shape for intercourse.

Men often have floppy, wobbly, but definitely larger organs after pumping. I consider this to be far more of an option for men who are either into cock worship, or need to readjust their perceptions about their penis. It's nice to see that penis size isn't fixed, and that a small penis can be made large.

In fact, with clients who have self-esteem issues regarding their size, I often suggest that they include pumping in their masturbation routine once or twice just to experience these newly contextualized genitals.

It's important to note that pumping can also be quite dangerous if done improperly. Please educate yourself fully on proper methods and safety procedures before starting to pump. I consider this a second tier option because it doesn't necessarily work out very well for those who would like to then have sex with their inflated organs, due to the 'jiggly' nature of the expanded tissue.

Option One:

I think the two of you should go down to the sex or fetish shop, and buy yourselves the biggest, fattest most lovely latex penis they have. Buy a harness, strap it on, and go to town.

For reasons that are quite understandable, but nonetheless a little silly, men often balk at the idea of satisfying their lover with a strap-on. I have been told that, ultimately, they are worried the replacement will replace them.

You're being ridiculous, men. Please listen closely: a latex, silicone, glass, steel, wooden, or rubber dildo is not a penis. For heterosexual women who like sex with men, a penis is a penis, and a dildo is an entirely separate item. It might work in much the same way as a penis does, but it doesn't have any of the context, meaning, tactile sense, responsivity, or sheer thrill that the genuine article does.

Now that we understand each other, FLAG, I would like you to go out and get fitted for a strap-on harness. Explain your situation to the person working in the shop, and by all means choose a reputable shop! You didn't include your location, so I can't suggest a great vendor near you, but take a look at the website for Good Vibrations in San Francisco , and you'll have an idea of the caliber of product and service I'd like to see you going for.

Make sure that the harness fits you correctly around the hips, and that the buckles and straps adjust in such a way that your genitals won't be crushed when you put it on. Try and select a harness that accommodates an erect penis, like this one:


Here you have the added treat of the dildo sitting high enough that you can also manage a little double penetration with your dick. Can we say 'two birds one stone'? Provided your wife enjoys anal sex, you are probably about to make her the happiest, 'fullest', most satisfied woman on the block. Your smaller penis is better suited to anal penetration, where it will hurt less and feel larger, and the dildo [which you can select any size for, including vibe options] will pound her cervix and fill out her vagina in a way that only a custom-made latex penis really can.


So enjoy! I suspect the strap-on harness is the answer to both your prayers. If you would like more information try picking up Violet Blue's fantastic book, The Adventurous Couple's Guide To Strap-On Sex. There's plenty of great stuff in there that will get you going, and keep you going.