Dear Morgan: Premature Ejaculation

Dear Morgan,

My boyfriend ejaculates really quickly every time we have sex. Are there any tricks we can use to make sex last a little longer?

Slow It Up



Dear SIU,

I can do a little back-tracking and assume that you’re browsing this site trying to find answers to this very question. You’re on the right trail, SIU – keep reading.

Premature ejaculation can happen for a number of reasons, ranging from the psychological to the physiological. Because I’m not working directly with you guys as a therapist, and because you wrote me a two line question, it’s difficult to guess the underlying issue.

Fortunately, many of the solutions run along common lines so we might be able to find something that works for your partner. Firstly, you say that he ejaculates quickly every time you have sex. In serious cases many doctors will prescribe an anti-depressant like Prozac. Please note that serious cases are rated as such when men are not able to control their orgasms and feel significant distress. If you’re hoping for penis pills that address premature ejaculation only, you might be a few years off. There are talks of development, but I’ve yet to have a journal cross my desk that had a promising article.

I’m guessing your boyfriend doesn’t fall into that category because you’re asking an advice columnist, and not a doctor. In keeping with that, I think he should start penis exercises in order to try and regain some control over his orgasms. Stretching and jelqing can help, so click through to find articles on our site about those specific practices. These articles focus on penis enlargement, but the effect you’re looking for is generally included in the benefits of these exercises.

While you guys are going at it, try stopping, taking a breather, and then starting again. It might take a lot of practice [but who is complaining about having more sex?], but eventually you can reach a rhythm where you begin to recognize when he is getting close, he pulls out, thinks about baseball and Queen Elizabeth, and then goes back at it.


Are you having regular sex? If you’re only doing it once or twice a week, that might not be enough for him to become accustomed to the sensations. Step up the frequency, folks!

Try bringing him to orgasm before you start penetrative sex. Blowjob, handjob, footjob – whatever works for you two. Let him cum, then let him get you off – he can go down on you while he gets his ‘man-ergy’ back, and with any luck he should have a reasonable erection by the time you reach orgasm. Then have penetrative sex. Ideally he won’t have such a hair trigger response because he has had an orgasm relatively recently.

This is a panel of suggestions – start with whichever seems easiest, and then move along from there. Regardless of which technique you guys try out, you will definitely need to have an open conversation about this that is ongoing. Keep checking in and see what works, and remember to be supportive of him – this is a sensitive issue!

Dear Morgan: Penis Size Workarounds

Dear Morgan,

Hi. I'm 41 years old, married, and I guess I fall into the category of most of the guys reading this page. I have sex with my partner a few times a week, and it's good, but once in a while I'd like to really fuck my wife, you know? She has told me before that she doesn't feel 'full' when we do it, is there anything you can suggest to help?

Thanks,

Fits Like A Glove?

First things first, FLAG: when you put your penis in your wife's vagina, you are really fucking your wife. Minds all across the country are blown by that one, I'm sure, but let's move on.

What you're really asking, in a strangely roundabout way, is whether I can point you in the direction of a stand-in dick of a penis size large enough to make your partner feel as though she's stuffed silly. Of course I can!

Basically, you have three options. I will rate them in the order I feel most relevant, and important.

Option Three:

Hire a dick. Find a male escort agency that caters to women, give your wife your credit card, and let her select the thickest fattest longest penis she can lay eyes on. This is one way to get that 'full' sensation, however, in all likelihood, your wife wants to feel your penis filling her up, not Gustav's.

Option Two:

Pumping. This is a penis enlargement technique that provides a temporary expansion to the tissues of the genitals. You place your penis inside of a vacuum tube, pump the air out and you will experience instant growth. Unfortunately the kind of growth you experience isn't exactly manageable, predictable, or entirely functional. Just because your penis may well be three times the size it was before doesn't mean it's going to be in any shape for intercourse.

Men often have floppy, wobbly, but definitely larger organs after pumping. I consider this to be far more of an option for men who are either into cock worship, or need to readjust their perceptions about their penis. It's nice to see that penis size isn't fixed, and that a small penis can be made large.

In fact, with clients who have self-esteem issues regarding their size, I often suggest that they include pumping in their masturbation routine once or twice just to experience these newly contextualized genitals.

It's important to note that pumping can also be quite dangerous if done improperly. Please educate yourself fully on proper methods and safety procedures before starting to pump. I consider this a second tier option because it doesn't necessarily work out very well for those who would like to then have sex with their inflated organs, due to the 'jiggly' nature of the expanded tissue.

Option One:

I think the two of you should go down to the sex or fetish shop, and buy yourselves the biggest, fattest most lovely latex penis they have. Buy a harness, strap it on, and go to town.

For reasons that are quite understandable, but nonetheless a little silly, men often balk at the idea of satisfying their lover with a strap-on. I have been told that, ultimately, they are worried the replacement will replace them.

You're being ridiculous, men. Please listen closely: a latex, silicone, glass, steel, wooden, or rubber dildo is not a penis. For heterosexual women who like sex with men, a penis is a penis, and a dildo is an entirely separate item. It might work in much the same way as a penis does, but it doesn't have any of the context, meaning, tactile sense, responsivity, or sheer thrill that the genuine article does.

Now that we understand each other, FLAG, I would like you to go out and get fitted for a strap-on harness. Explain your situation to the person working in the shop, and by all means choose a reputable shop! You didn't include your location, so I can't suggest a great vendor near you, but take a look at the website for Good Vibrations in San Francisco , and you'll have an idea of the caliber of product and service I'd like to see you going for.

Make sure that the harness fits you correctly around the hips, and that the buckles and straps adjust in such a way that your genitals won't be crushed when you put it on. Try and select a harness that accommodates an erect penis, like this one:


Here you have the added treat of the dildo sitting high enough that you can also manage a little double penetration with your dick. Can we say 'two birds one stone'? Provided your wife enjoys anal sex, you are probably about to make her the happiest, 'fullest', most satisfied woman on the block. Your smaller penis is better suited to anal penetration, where it will hurt less and feel larger, and the dildo [which you can select any size for, including vibe options] will pound her cervix and fill out her vagina in a way that only a custom-made latex penis really can.


So enjoy! I suspect the strap-on harness is the answer to both your prayers. If you would like more information try picking up Violet Blue's fantastic book, The Adventurous Couple's Guide To Strap-On Sex. There's plenty of great stuff in there that will get you going, and keep you going.

Dear Morgan: Lost and Little

Dear Morgan,

I'm a longtime PE Inc reader. It's cool that you're doing an advice column, because I have a question that hasn't really been answered by the articles here, and it would have been weird to email it in to the other staff.

Here goes: I'm a heterosexual guy. I date casually. It's small, and I know it. Now what do I do with it?

Dear LAL,

First off: thanks for the letter! I can hold this up and waggle it in my boss' faces if they ever question why a penis enlargement site needs a sexual advice columnist on staff.

Now, let's get straight to your question: you've got a small penis, you acknowledge the fact, and you're wondering what to do with the darn thing.

I commend you on your approach – many men struggle with size issues, but few look to actually overcome them by becoming a better lover. You're doing well so far! Now the biology. You state very clearly that you like to put your less-than-average [whatever that means] penis into a heterosexual vagina.

So let's talk about vaginas! I'll give you the tip of a lifetime: a woman only has nerve endings in the first quarter, and final quarter of her vagina. This means that while you are inside of her, she can't necessarily feel very much in the very middle of the length of her vaginal canal, but she can feel you when you bump her cervix with the head of your penis and she registers friction and heat and pressure and all of those good things right at the entrance.

So if you're never going to be bumping that cervix, don't even worry about it. Plenty of girls hate the sensation [I am not one of them, but we can talk about alternatives to your actual dick in a moment].

Cervix forgotten, you're back where you started – the door you came in by. All the nerve endings are here. The G-spot isn't too far from here. Neither is the clit. You've got one prime zone, and you should be working it for all it's worth!

Now this isn't about going willy-nilly, but rather about asking your partner what she likes. Try simply rocking the head of your penis in and out, only entering about an inch or so each time. This gives you a great view, and leaves your hands free to caress that clit.

If you're worried about girth, then get the toys out of the box and go to town. Nothing makes me happier than a man who isn't necessarily the biggest in the bulge department, but who is completely game for hot sex with all the jelly dongs and vibrating bullets and tickling cock rings and....
www.goodforher.com

Getting carried away, but you get the idea. There are some neat toys that actually work like stretchy cock rings, but will vibrate against both your balls and her clit when you fuck her. If you're not going in deeply, then you need to have all your guns firing at once. She'll appreciate it, I guarantee.

There are some great toys that work well for both partners, including this one:

The We-Vibe is a knockout. I can't say enough good things about this baby, just believe that if you're looking for something that adds the feeling of girth and size without taking away from the enjoyment of straight-up sex, this is the ticket. we-vibe.com

The We-Vibe was invented by a fellow from Canada, where the winters are long and dark, this little darling works alongside you. She inserts it and then you slide in with it and plenty of lube for a buzzing thrumming revelation. Believe.

A side note: if you're having casual sex with a number of partners, be a gentleman and don't share sex toys. I don't care if you're washing them – unless they can go in an autoclave [i.e. are made of glass or steel or heat-resistant plastic], they shouldn't be hopping from crotch to crotch.

Dear Morgan: Average or Undersized

Starting this week, Penis Enlargement Inc. is going to be running a syndicated sex advice column. Feel free to send in your questions, whether it be about your size concerns, sexual habits, or any and all related inquiries. Morgan is a registered sex-therapist who has been writing online under a pseudonym for a number of years, and we are happy to welcome her to our team!



Dear Morgan,

My live-in girlfriend and I have been together for six years, and the sex has been ok. Nothing extraordinary, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing a good job. A few nights ago I was using her laptop to download some music, and I found a folder full of porn. Every single video was 'Giant Dicks' and 'Massive Cocks' and stuff like that. Is she trying to tell me something? Am I not measuring up?

Sincerely,
Average Or Undersized

Dear AOU

Are you out of your mind? You come home and discover your girlfriend is watching nasty porn, and have a nervous breakdown like some midwestern housewife? Porn is not a disease or an addiction, it is a sexy, fun, and sometimes therapeutic outlet for our own sexual fantasies. Porn stars are paid professionals [this is if we're excluding some of the dicey material where the sex workers are being abused, or taken advantage of], and they are paid for not only their professionalism but their extraordinary bodies.

Whether it's giant dongs or massively inflated silicone breasts, porn is replete with the most extraordinarily enhanced or exaggerated sexual body parts. Penis enlargement surgeries are less common than breast enhancements, but we're pretty sure they're taking place. All of these actors are taking penis pills, be they Cialis, Viagra, or growth compounds, so you can safely assume there's a little artificial help being given to that uh... 'natural talent'.

Let's try another perspective – if your girlfriend lost her mind because she'd found your porno stash, and started spiralling into insecurity about her comparitively undersized breasts, or her inability to take two cocks in her ass at the same time, you would tell her you loved her as she was and explain to her the difference between a porno and real life, right?

Well you would if you ever wanted to have sex with her again. So take the same advice, and get over yourself. Your girlfriend has been getting off to dicks because that's what she's into – dicks. Play up to her interests and work a little cock worship into your nightly bed-romp and it might go from being six years of 'ok' sex to six more years of stupendous sex.