American Dicks: America's Penis Size by City and State

A lot of men obsess over how they compare to other men, but have you ever wondered how your city or state measures up to the rest in terms of average penis size? Finally, intercity and interstate debates over who has the biggest dicks can be put to rest, because the truth is out. Condomania, America's first condom store just opened its database of penis sizes as well as their ranking of all 50 states and the 20 most populated American cities.

Condoms, Commerce, and Curiosity

This penis size study is the largest of its kind. Prior to Condomania's survey, the largest survey had been in 1948 when the Kinsey institute got 2,500 men to pull out and measure. Now, with a sample size almost 10 times that of the 1948 study, we can get a really interesting picture of the penises of America. The survey asks men to measure their penis size (length and girth) down to the millimeter. The participants' penis sizes are then matched to one of 76 categories of length and girth combinations. But this rigorous penile probe isn't purely for the purpose of scientific curiosity. The real reason behind Condomania's survey is to inform their line of tailored-fit condoms, called TheyFit. Which is a pretty good idea if you ask us.

The Results: How Does Your City and State Measure up?

So the results are in, and you can't argue with science. Hopefully this won't upset anyone. As far as states are concerned, the top ranking state by average penis size is New Hampshire. I can't imagine why, but there you have it. Perhaps their motto of "Live Free or Die" should be changed to "Live Large or Get Out." The lowest happens to be Wyoming. Sorry Wyoming. As far as cities go, why not list them from largest to smallest (penises)? Coming in first is New Orleans:


20 Most Populated Cities Ordered by Penis Size

1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth

50 States Ordered by Penis Size

1. New Hampshire
2. Oregon
3. New York
4. Indiana
5. Arizona
6. Hawaii
7. Louisiana
8. Massachusetts
9. Alabama
10. Washington
11. New Mexico
12. California
13. Arkansas
14. Nevada
15. Virginia
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Oklahoma
19. South Dakota
20. Georgia
21. Pennsylvania
22. Mississippi
23. Michigan
24. Florida
25. Rhode Island
26. Kansas
27. Maryland
28. Minnesota
29. Vermont
30. Connecticut
31. Wisconsin
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
34. Idaho
35. Texas
36. Missouri
37. Montana
38. Ohio
39. Nebraska
40. Colorado
41. Maine
42. North Carolina
43. Delaware
44. South Carolina
45. Kentucky
46. West Virginia
47. Alaska
48. Iowa
49. Utah
50. Wyoming

MTV's Hard Times: Can Big Penis Size Boost Limp Ratings?

MTV's ratings have been drooping lately, and their new strategy for boosting them relies heavily on the power of penis size. Perhaps taking a cue from HBO's Hung, MTV's new show focuses on a lowly high-school outcast whose social life takes a dramatic turn when it is revealed that he has a massive penis. The show, titled The Hard Times of R.J. Berger, is hoped to revive some of their viewership that has been less than supportive in recent times—and what better way than quirky cock-centric programming?



MTV's ratings have fallen 18% since last year, and their strategy seems to be to up the controversy factor. But is having a big penis really that edgy? Perhaps it is. And who knows, maybe this show will inspire nerdy teens across America to invest in penis enlargement techniques in order to bulk up their organs. After all, the message of this show—not unlike HBO's Hung, about a down-on-his-luck man who digs his way out of the recession by monetizing his best asset (his giant penis)—is that having a bigger-than-average penis makes you special, sets you apart from all the average dudes out there. And I guess MTV is hoping that having a TV show with a big penis will set them apart from other networks out there. Do you think this show will turn more men on to penis enlargement? Do you think this show looks any good?

Don't Pass On a Small Set of Family Jewels

According to the shocking CBC documentary entitled The Disappearing Male the world is witnessing a worrying decline in the number of boys being born. The in-depth doc cites lots of factors that have played a part in this change but one of the most notable is petro-chemicals. Petro-chemicals are everywhere. They are used in making plastics and are found in almost everything from pesticides to processed foods and fabric to shampoo.

While this news may send a shiver down the spine of our female readers, the men might be looking at the bright side, thinking that this could lead to a future filled with more favorable ratios: less boys, more choices. But before you guys get too excited I better tell you about the big, or should I say small, catch: these petro-chemicals that are causing fewer boys could also be causing a boy that does make it out of the womb to have a smaller than average penis. Add to that a 200% increase of genital defects and abnormalities reported in the last two decades and a 50% drop in sperm counts of an average North American college student over the course of one generation, and you have a problem of notable size.


Okay, so you might be wondering how this affects you and your penis size now, and really, it doesn’t. But before you dismiss the warning I propose you to take one moment and ask yourself: Do I want to pass tiny wiener genes down to my son? After all, your genes represent you, where you came from and how you lived; they speak about your strengths and weaknesses – to the very core they are you. They are probably the best way to make a good impression on future babes. And of course there’s the wellbeing of the kids themselves. Why put your baby boy through the torment of having a small penis? The least you can do for your kin is try your hardest, longest and widest to ensure they have strong, healthy bodies.

The Tips for Well-Endowed Genes

So after watching this documentary I devised three easy steps to help you reduce your interaction with these petro-chems, and in turn, keep your genes well-hung. Unfortunately man-made chemicals are pretty hard to avoid, so unless you’re content with re-locating to the moon, following this advise may be the best way to pass on the biggest set of family jewels possible in this chemical age.

Here they are:

1.Eat Organic

That’s right, the hippies knew it, now you do too. Organic food is pretty much chemical free so it’s not only good for you, it’s good for your body, but for your genes – meaning your kids’ bodies.

2.Use Plastic Sparingly


This may be completely impossible, but any reduction in plastic in your home will help. This means buying natural-fiber clothes, storing food glass tupperware and using natural shampoos and soaps. Anywhere you see plastic, think of an alternative.

3.Avoid Chemicals in the Air

Stay decidedly upwind and upstream of any heavily industry plants, or any heavily industrial cities for that matter (sorry, you’ll have to skip that Pittsburg getaway…darn). This one may seem a little extreme, but some would go to great lengths in the pursuit of a long shlong.

And, if none of these things work, you'll have to teach your offspring about penis enlargement techniques.

Dear Morgan: Penis Size Workarounds

Dear Morgan,

Hi. I'm 41 years old, married, and I guess I fall into the category of most of the guys reading this page. I have sex with my partner a few times a week, and it's good, but once in a while I'd like to really fuck my wife, you know? She has told me before that she doesn't feel 'full' when we do it, is there anything you can suggest to help?

Thanks,

Fits Like A Glove?

First things first, FLAG: when you put your penis in your wife's vagina, you are really fucking your wife. Minds all across the country are blown by that one, I'm sure, but let's move on.

What you're really asking, in a strangely roundabout way, is whether I can point you in the direction of a stand-in dick of a penis size large enough to make your partner feel as though she's stuffed silly. Of course I can!

Basically, you have three options. I will rate them in the order I feel most relevant, and important.

Option Three:

Hire a dick. Find a male escort agency that caters to women, give your wife your credit card, and let her select the thickest fattest longest penis she can lay eyes on. This is one way to get that 'full' sensation, however, in all likelihood, your wife wants to feel your penis filling her up, not Gustav's.

Option Two:

Pumping. This is a penis enlargement technique that provides a temporary expansion to the tissues of the genitals. You place your penis inside of a vacuum tube, pump the air out and you will experience instant growth. Unfortunately the kind of growth you experience isn't exactly manageable, predictable, or entirely functional. Just because your penis may well be three times the size it was before doesn't mean it's going to be in any shape for intercourse.

Men often have floppy, wobbly, but definitely larger organs after pumping. I consider this to be far more of an option for men who are either into cock worship, or need to readjust their perceptions about their penis. It's nice to see that penis size isn't fixed, and that a small penis can be made large.

In fact, with clients who have self-esteem issues regarding their size, I often suggest that they include pumping in their masturbation routine once or twice just to experience these newly contextualized genitals.

It's important to note that pumping can also be quite dangerous if done improperly. Please educate yourself fully on proper methods and safety procedures before starting to pump. I consider this a second tier option because it doesn't necessarily work out very well for those who would like to then have sex with their inflated organs, due to the 'jiggly' nature of the expanded tissue.

Option One:

I think the two of you should go down to the sex or fetish shop, and buy yourselves the biggest, fattest most lovely latex penis they have. Buy a harness, strap it on, and go to town.

For reasons that are quite understandable, but nonetheless a little silly, men often balk at the idea of satisfying their lover with a strap-on. I have been told that, ultimately, they are worried the replacement will replace them.

You're being ridiculous, men. Please listen closely: a latex, silicone, glass, steel, wooden, or rubber dildo is not a penis. For heterosexual women who like sex with men, a penis is a penis, and a dildo is an entirely separate item. It might work in much the same way as a penis does, but it doesn't have any of the context, meaning, tactile sense, responsivity, or sheer thrill that the genuine article does.

Now that we understand each other, FLAG, I would like you to go out and get fitted for a strap-on harness. Explain your situation to the person working in the shop, and by all means choose a reputable shop! You didn't include your location, so I can't suggest a great vendor near you, but take a look at the website for Good Vibrations in San Francisco , and you'll have an idea of the caliber of product and service I'd like to see you going for.

Make sure that the harness fits you correctly around the hips, and that the buckles and straps adjust in such a way that your genitals won't be crushed when you put it on. Try and select a harness that accommodates an erect penis, like this one:


Here you have the added treat of the dildo sitting high enough that you can also manage a little double penetration with your dick. Can we say 'two birds one stone'? Provided your wife enjoys anal sex, you are probably about to make her the happiest, 'fullest', most satisfied woman on the block. Your smaller penis is better suited to anal penetration, where it will hurt less and feel larger, and the dildo [which you can select any size for, including vibe options] will pound her cervix and fill out her vagina in a way that only a custom-made latex penis really can.


So enjoy! I suspect the strap-on harness is the answer to both your prayers. If you would like more information try picking up Violet Blue's fantastic book, The Adventurous Couple's Guide To Strap-On Sex. There's plenty of great stuff in there that will get you going, and keep you going.

Dear Morgan: Average or Undersized

Starting this week, Penis Enlargement Inc. is going to be running a syndicated sex advice column. Feel free to send in your questions, whether it be about your size concerns, sexual habits, or any and all related inquiries. Morgan is a registered sex-therapist who has been writing online under a pseudonym for a number of years, and we are happy to welcome her to our team!



Dear Morgan,

My live-in girlfriend and I have been together for six years, and the sex has been ok. Nothing extraordinary, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing a good job. A few nights ago I was using her laptop to download some music, and I found a folder full of porn. Every single video was 'Giant Dicks' and 'Massive Cocks' and stuff like that. Is she trying to tell me something? Am I not measuring up?

Sincerely,
Average Or Undersized

Dear AOU

Are you out of your mind? You come home and discover your girlfriend is watching nasty porn, and have a nervous breakdown like some midwestern housewife? Porn is not a disease or an addiction, it is a sexy, fun, and sometimes therapeutic outlet for our own sexual fantasies. Porn stars are paid professionals [this is if we're excluding some of the dicey material where the sex workers are being abused, or taken advantage of], and they are paid for not only their professionalism but their extraordinary bodies.

Whether it's giant dongs or massively inflated silicone breasts, porn is replete with the most extraordinarily enhanced or exaggerated sexual body parts. Penis enlargement surgeries are less common than breast enhancements, but we're pretty sure they're taking place. All of these actors are taking penis pills, be they Cialis, Viagra, or growth compounds, so you can safely assume there's a little artificial help being given to that uh... 'natural talent'.

Let's try another perspective – if your girlfriend lost her mind because she'd found your porno stash, and started spiralling into insecurity about her comparitively undersized breasts, or her inability to take two cocks in her ass at the same time, you would tell her you loved her as she was and explain to her the difference between a porno and real life, right?

Well you would if you ever wanted to have sex with her again. So take the same advice, and get over yourself. Your girlfriend has been getting off to dicks because that's what she's into – dicks. Play up to her interests and work a little cock worship into your nightly bed-romp and it might go from being six years of 'ok' sex to six more years of stupendous sex.

Gain a Bigger Penis Through Regular Exercise

The Headline claims that your can have a bigger penis just by exercising, but you don't believe it do you? 'It can't be true,' you say, 'the only ways to increase penis size are through pills, pumps or surgery!' If you're skeptical, its time that you reassess the way you've been thinking about penis enhancement. REMEMBER: penis size is relative! A 7-inch penis on a short skinny guy is going to look enormous! And, the biggest reason to gain a bigger penis is to feel more confident and better about yourself.

SO – it makes perfect sense that regular exercise is an avenue towards penis growth. Here's are 5 ways that exercise can effect penis size and virility:


1. Decrease the levels of fat around the stomach and pelvis, thus exposing more of your penis
2. Increase blood flow to the penis, thus helping you to maintain bigger, harder erections
3. Increased testosterone – thus increasing desire and desirability
4. Increased energy levels and ability to perform well sexually
5. Increased confidence

Weight Loss: Making the Penis Look Bigger

This is the most obvious way that exercise can act as penis enhancement. Men, especially aging men, have a tendency to put on weight around the stomach and pelvis. This fat crowds out the penis and makes it look much smaller than it actually is. It also makes men feel un-sexy. Regular exercise can help men lose that weight, making them feel sexier AND make their penises look bigger. Your penis will look about an inch bigger with each 30 pounds you lose.

Blood Flow and Harder Erections

This one is scientific. It is blood flow to the penis that causes an erection. If you are overweight, your heart has to work much harder to get blood throughout the body – blood flow becomes an issue (especially is the obesity is tied to cholesterol problems, as it often is). Thus, those who suffer from obesity have a much more difficult time gaining an full erection. So, regular exercise can help you gain
bigger, harder erections. Pretty sweet, huh?!

Increased Testosterone

This Helps with penis size for two reasons:


1.Testosterone is a hormone that helps facilitate erections. So, it helps the erect penis get a lot bigger.
2.Testosterone helps men to feel more aroused. A man with low testosterone is less likely to feel sexual or to be seen as sexual by women.

Increased Energy and Performance

There is no question that regular exercise helps us to have more energy. Men who are exercising regularly are more likely to be ready and rearing for sex. They are also likely to have better stamina, if you know what I mean! And, while these things do not directly correspond to a bigger penis, they effect the way men are seen and the way they see themselves. A man who packs a punch in the sack will be seen as having a bigger penis and will feel sexier.

Increased Confidence

Exercise will make you feel better about yourself. You'll carry yourself as if you're hung with an elephant cock! This will help you look and feel sexier and more virile.

Sex, virility, health and penis size are all related. If you feel better physically and are healthier, you will be more virile. This will make it appear as though you have a bigger penis. So, while regular exercise doesn't lead to penis growth in the traditional sense, it does lead to a perceived BIGGER PENIS. And, this perception can be just as important as the real thing.

Lady Gaga Shows All Her Penis Size

The last thing I though I'd be writing about when i started this blog was whether or not Lady Gaga was in need of penis enhancement. But, it seems that after accidentally unveiling her male member during her performance at Glastonbury this August, Gaga's penis size has become a topic of discussion.



The London Free Press ran an article the other day with the headline DJ to Lady GaGa: 'Are you a hermaphrodite?', describing the above mentioned event as well as some confrontations that Ms. Gaga has encountered whilst on tour in Australia. The appearance of this penis has caused a media free for all. There are countless videos up on Youtube right now that claim to show the controversial shlong (some are just spoofs, some are turds trying to capitalize on the media frenzy).

On an Brisbane, Australia radio show hosted by Meshel, Ash, and Tim, the penis size was directly asked: "Where are we at right now with the tiny penis issue, Lady Gaga?"

WOW! Talk about straight up. Lady Gaga was, apparently, not very amused, responding with, "My little vagina is very offended. I'm not offended, my vagina is offended."

Here's a clip of the video from Glastonbury, if you want to see what the big...or little...deal is:

Does Lady....or Mister...Gaga Want a Bigger Penis?

The Video is pretty convincing. It clearly looks like Gaga has a little penis there. If we take this to be true, then the question is, 'Why is Gaga hiding her penis?' The answer, to my mind, could be one of two things.

Secondly, maybe she isn't happy with her penis size. It is possible that the Lady is a Man, and that the little guy downstairs is too small for Gaga to be comfortable with it(she recently stated in an interview that they only thing she looks for in a man is a big dick. If this is the case, then perhaps Gaga should check our some of the good advice offered on this website regarding penis enhancement. Getting a bigger penis is totally possible, even for some pop divas.

A Few Good Reasons for Penis Enhancement

If Gaga really does only look for a big penis when she's looking for a man, maybe it's time she thinks about getting one for herself. Here are some good reasons for Gaga, or anyone else for that matter, to think about penis enhancement:



1. You feel more comfortable showing off your bigger penis(and are less likely to worry about your penis falling out of your dress!)

2. Your bulge will look better (in pants or a skirt!)

3. You will feel more confident in bed (with men and women)

4. There will be less confusion surrouding the status of your genetalia (people will be certain that you're packing a big penis down there!)

5. Lady Gaga will be more interested in you!